#24: The Fear of Being Boring

Our 24^th prompt comes from Wangui. She says:

On the fear of being “boring”…like the fear of missing out.

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Wangui,

What an apt question. I wish we could abbreviate this and make it a thing, but FOBB doesn’t sound as catchy as FOMO. *Trump voice* SAD.

The times we are living in make it seem like anything can happen. These possibilities are availed by the advances we’ve made in transport (high speed trains and aeroplanes), communication (mobile phones and the internet) and energy (solar power/green energy). We are living in a world in which knowledge workers occupy a central position, whereas a century ago, the same could be said about people who worked in manufacturing. Because of these advances, access to information and experiences other than what we are used to in our locales is easier than ever before, and considered to be an ideal/worthwhile pursuit.

We can teach ourselves new skills via YouTube and MOOCs, listen to podcasts, and get on Twitter to learn what is happening in Nigeria, Egypt and South Africa in real time. We can talk to our loved ones in different time zones whenever we wish. When the lights go out, we are not necessarily doomed to darkness – we have solar powered lamps and other devices. Kids in rural areas are able to get an education because of this. The possibilities are (seemingly) endless.

I’ll be the first to say that I have benefited immensely from these advances as I am a knowledge worker. The life I live now would not have been imaginable to me when I was 7, so I am grateful. My intellectual pursuits and work are made possible by the internet. I am able to read on my phone and Kindle, and whenever I am curious about something, I have access to information on that topic through Google. I am able to travel to other countries for work or to visit friends and experience their sights, sounds and cuisine. The list of things I am grateful for in our knowledge economy is long.

However, we have to acknowledge that this realm of possibilities and access comes with downsides, one of which is the fear of being boring. Because of this radical shift in our fortunes, we dedicate a lot of airtime and space to the coverage of novelty and the unusual. The dailies will tell you about the kid who graduated with an astrophysics degree, the farmer who won a prize, the CEO who just keeps making profits, the footballer who is a goal scoring machine, and so on. This extends to social media. Think of the last 10 viral tweets you saw. Chances are high that they were about something novel, not something banal. Nobody wants to be banal. Everyone wants to be interesting because there is no excuse to be otherwise.

We share the more outstanding aspects of our lives on social media, in a bid to put our best foot forward. We graduated. We got included in a list of top 30 people under 30. We climbed Mount Kilimanjaro. We went to Vietnam. We went sky-diving or bungee jumping. And once we do these things, we set new targets to keep ourselves busy and entertained. And while this seems harmless on the surface, it actually has long term effects. Social media pages, for example, are curated. They are as much about what one chooses to omit as they are about what one chooses to share. They are about performance.

The fear of boring is about image. Many people don’t care that they are ACTUALLY boring, they just don’t want to be seen that way by others. Many people can’t spend time by themselves because of this – they need company for lunch, to go to the movies, for a drink, you name it. They cannot sit alone with their thoughts. They acquire surface knowledge, experiences and objects for the purpose of displaying them to the people whose company they keep. The interesting-ness is for others to see, not for themselves.

Yet this is one of the things that prevents us from living meaningful lives. From being interesting to ourselves. From being grateful for the lives we live and the things we get to experience on a daily basis. The music we hear. The scenery all around us. The food we make at home, and so on. Being truly extraordinary also requires focus and commitment, and a mastery approach to what one does. Setting goals that are challenging, and constantly working towards these goals until one’s skill level improves and one meets them. And then, setting even more challenging goals and repeating this process. None of this is perpetually interesting. At least not in a way that can be performed.

I believe that the antidote to this fear of being boring is the commitment to living a meaningful life. Deciding what you want to accomplish, setting goals in that direction, working consistently towards those goals, appreciating the journey and not just the destination, seeking psychological growth alongside novelty and accomplishment. This way, one is in control of oneself, as opposed to being subject to the vagaries of a terrible sounding abbreviation.

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This post is part of a daily writing experiment that I’m running for a year. I’d love it if you took part! ?